I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
