Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There's always time for handjobs
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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