Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
