Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
