guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm always down for nudity.
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