I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
