so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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