Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
