i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
