Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
