just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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