none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
