So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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