fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
