All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Pants are for mortals
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
