I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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