Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
