I just made out with a guy for $7.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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