I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
