My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
