I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
