moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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