SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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