cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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