nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
