Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
