i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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