I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
