dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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