I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
