why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
