Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
