Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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