so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
