I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
