The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
