A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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