Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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