You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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