I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
People in love make me want to vomit
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
