They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
