your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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