I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
