I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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