how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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