I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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