I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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