he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
