the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
