Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
