New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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