1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
