Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
