She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
