i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
