batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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