is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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