i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
