I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
