Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
