Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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