So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize