new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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