her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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