just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
