I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
