i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize