If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
