I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
