She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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