if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
