Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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