I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
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