When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
