I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize