the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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