I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm jealous of your bromance
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
