YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize