You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
BRING THE BAGELS
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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