i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
