Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
