Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
time to smoke my breakfast
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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