you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
