So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
