After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
