I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
