Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
