I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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