Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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