Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
